


open hands are hard to hold onto anyway

by felicities



Category: Broadway RPF, Wicked - All Media Types, Wicked - Schwartz/Holzman, Wicked RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-23 18:29:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18707563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicities/pseuds/felicities
Summary: The summer rain is still falling. She laughs to herself, her alcohol-addled brain making her think of something about Kristin leaving and the heavens crying.





	open hands are hard to hold onto anyway

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sadder sequel to [savor the sorrow to soften the pain](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15350163). It might better to exit this if you'd like to preserve the hopefulness of that story.

_now go on and drift away_  
_the tide can hold you out_

 

—

 

Idina, by some stroke of luck, finds herself at Kristin’s doorstep a few hours after midnight, still slightly tipsy, her heart pounding inside her ribcage. She hadn’t noticed Kristin slip away until Eden approached her asking if she’s seen her costar.

 

Her phone starts vibrating—it’s Taye. She declines the call and pulls her hoodie over her head. The summer rain is still falling. She laughs to herself, her alcohol-addled brain making her think of something about Kristin leaving and the heavens crying.

 

Kristin rings her in, and she savors the slow-moving elevator ride, a stark contrast to the hurriedness of the day, how this morning Kristin was still her Glinda, and how on Tuesday she won’t be anymore.

 

 _Don’t be silly, Idina. She stopped being your Glinda the moment you won that Tony_.

 

Kristin opens the door, her face free of makeup, her eyes a little swollen. She smiles, but the smile never quite reaches her eyes, and Idina feels her stomach sink.

 

“Hi,” Kristin says, softly.

 

Idina had expected fumbling hands and backs hitting walls and proclamations of passion and lust at breakneck speed the moment she entered Kristin’s apartment. This had often been the case for many of their midnight trysts the past few months. It’s how it had been the week Taye left the show, after the Tonys, the night before Kristin’s last show. But now there is none of that—instead, they sit on Kristin’s couch, neither saying much. A tear rolls down Kristin’s cheek, and as if by command Idina’s hand comes up to wipe it away. This makes Kristin cry harder.

 

“Can you stay tonight, Dee?”

 

“Of course I can.”

 

Kristin stands up and holds out her hand for Idina. It’s soft and warm, and Idina shoves away the thought of holding someone else’s hand during the show. They walk to Kristin’s bedroom and tonight Kristin asks if Idina can just hold her. “Always, Kristi,” Idina says. Kristin falls asleep almost instantly, the heaviness of the day having weighed her down. Outside, the rain continues to fall.

 

Idina wraps her arms around Kristin and kisses her right shoulder. “Please stay,” she whispers, just before her eyes give in to sleep. “Please stay.”

 

In the morning Kristin makes her coffee and breakfast. She plays with Maddie and Kristin tells her about what she’s got planned for the week, and Idina feels her heart swell inside her chest that she stops to breathe for a moment. _In a perfect world, in another time_ , she thinks. She could have this every day. Kristin sitting across from her on their day-off, the morning sun filtering through the windows. Kristin has never looked more beautiful, and yesterday—rain and all—feels like a distant memory.

 

Kristin’s a lot more cheerful now, too, as though she hadn’t just spent various points of yesterday sobbing. Idina’s known her long enough to know that it’s an act, of course, and early on she would’ve been offended by it, but Kristin’s always been an expert at hiding her true feelings behind a bright veneer. It makes her feel in _fucking_ control, Kristin had screamed at her once during a fight.

 

Taye calls her again. This time she answers. “I’m at Kristin’s,” she says, and he doesn’t sound surprised. “I’ll be home before lunch,” she promises.

 

After breakfast, she helps Kristin with the dishes and then she says goodbye. She can’t remember the last time she left Kristin’s apartment without sneaking off, so it’s awkward and uncomfortable. When she reaches the door, Kristin calls out to her.

 

“I love you, Idina.”

 

Idina doesn’t look back. Instead, she turns the doorknob and walks away. She wants to know how it feels like to be in control, too.

**Author's Note:**

> title and epigraph from _open hands_ by ingrid michaelson.


End file.
